My friend Libby passed this on to me – not sure if it’s one of those things that’s gone around the internet before, but I thought it was hilarious.
Hxxxx A. Mxxxx
Chair – Search Committee
412A College Hall, XYZ University
College Town, US 11000
Dear Professor Mxxxx,
Thank you for your letter of March 16. After careful consideration, I regret to inform you that I am unable to accept your refusal to offer me an assistant professor position in your department.
This year I have been particularly fortunate in receiving an unusually large number of rejection letters. With such a varied and promising field of candidates, it is impossible for me to accept all refusals.
Despite XYZ’s outstanding qualifications and previous experience in rejecting applicants, I find that your rejection does not meet my needs at this time. Therefore, I will assume the position of assistant professor in your department this August. I look forward to seeing you then.
Best of luck in rejecting future applicants.
CXXX L. Jxxxx
Oh, how I would love to meet the person who had the gumption enough to actually send this! I’m sure it at least gave the search committee a laugh, if not cold sweats.